Hhgttg

h2g2 OR
hhgttg OR
the HitchHikers Guide To The Galaxy (Douglas Adams)
one of the most famous books of all time next to the bible, it contains some amazingly funny quotes:

“there is an art to flying, or rather a knack. The knack lies in learning how to throw yourself at the ground and miss.”;
“Do not listen to what anybody says to you at this point because they are unlikely to say anything helpful. They are most likely to say something along the lines of, “Good God, you can’t possibly be flying!” It is vitally important not to believe them or they will suddenly be right.”;

“DONT PANIC”;

“If you are reading this on planet Earth then: a) Good luck to you. There is an awful lot of stuff you don’t know anything about, but you are not alone in this.
b) Don’t imagine you know what a computer terminal is.”;

“always know where your towel is” random;

“there has been a major scientific break-in! through! break-through!”;

“so long and thanks for all the fish.”;

“almost, but not quite, entirely unlike tea.”;

“we know that time is not relative but depends upon the observers movement in space,
and space is not absolute but depends upon the observers movement in time,
in the same way numbers are not absolute but depend upon the observers movement in restaurants.”this is called bistromathics;

“a recipriversexclusion is a number that can only be described as anything other than itself.”;

“Life… is like a grapefruit. It’s orange and squishy, has a few pips in it and some folks have half a one for breakfast.”;

“Mostly harmless” description of earth;

“Share and Enjoy” the slogan of the complaints division of the Sirius Cybernetics Corporation;

“Life. Don’t talk to me about life.”;

“Here I am, brain the size of a planet and they ask me to take you down to the bridge. Call that job satisfaction? ‘Cos I don’t.”;

“‘the programme will take me a little while to run.’
Fook glanced impatiently at his watch.
‘how long?’ he said.
‘Seven and a half million years,’ said the Deep Thought.”;

“it occurs to me that running a programme like this is bound to create an enormous amount of popular publicity for the whole area of philosophy in general. Everyone’s going to have their own theories about what answer I’m eventually to come up with, and who better to capitalize on that media market than you yourself? So long as you can keep disagreeing with each other violently enough and slagging each other off in the popular press, you can keep yourself on the gravy train for life. How does that sound?”;

“‘Have you any idea how much damage that bulldozer would suffer if I just let it roll straight over you?’
‘How much?’ said Arthur.
‘None at all,’”;

The complete record of the bowl of petunias’ thoughts during its entire, albeit short, life:
“Oh no, not again.”;

The complete record of the whale’s thoughts during his entire, albeit short, life:
“Ah … ! What’s happening?
Er, excuse me, who am I?
Hello?
Why am I here? What’s my purpose in life?
What do I mean by who am I?
Calm down, get a grip now … oh! this is an interesting sensation, what is it? It’s a sort of … yawning, tingling sensation in my … my … well I suppose I’d better start finding names for things if I want to make any headway in what for the sake of what I shall call an argument I shall call the world, so let’s call it my stomach.
Good. Ooooh, it’s getting quite strong. And hey, what’s about this whistling roaring sound going past what I’m suddenly going to call my head? Perhaps I can call that … wind! Is that a good name? It’ll do … perhaps I can find a better name for it later when I’ve found out what it’s for. It must be something very important because there certainly seems to be a hell of a lot of it. Hey! What’s this thing? This … let’s call it a tail – yeah, tail. Hey! I can can really thrash it about pretty good can’t I? Wow! Wow! That feels great! Doesn’t seem to achieve very much but I’ll probably find out what it’s for later on. Now – have I built up any coherent picture of things yet?
No.
Never mind, hey, this is really exciting, so much to find out about, so much to look forward to, I’m quite dizzy with anticipation…
Or is it the wind?
There really is a lot of that now isn’t it?
And wow! Hey! What’s this thing suddenly coming towards me very fast? Very very fast. So big and flat and round, it needs a big wide sounding name like … ow … ound … round … ground! That’s it! That’s a good name – ground!
I wonder if it will be friends with me?”splat;

“‘Come, come now or you will be late.’
‘Late? What for?’
‘What is your name, human?’
‘Dent. Arthur Dent,’
‘Late, as in the late Dentarthurdent,” said the old man, sternly. “It’s a sort of threat you see.” Another wistful look came into his tired old eyes. “I’ve never been very good at them myself, but I’m told they can be very effective.’”;

“It is most gratifying, that your enthusiasm for our planet continues unabated, and so we would like to assure you that the guided missiles currently converging with your ship are part of a special service we extend to all of our most enthusiastic clients, and the fully armed nuclear warheads are of course merely a courtesy detail. We look forward to your custom in future lives … thank you.”;

“We are now cruising at a level of two to the power of twenty-five thousand to one against and falling, and we will be restoring normality just as soon as we are sure what is normal anyway”;
“Five to one against and falling …
four to one against and falling …
three to one …
two … one … probability factor of one to one … we have normality, I repeat we have normality. Anything you still can’t cope with is therefore your own problem.”

“Time is an illusion. Lunchtime doubly so.”;

“‘I’d trust him to the end of the Earth,’ said Ford.
‘Oh yes, and how far’s that?’
‘About twelve minutes away, come on, I need a drink.’”;

“‘what’s so unpleasant about being drunk?’
‘You ask a glass of water.’”;

“‘A teaser? Teasers are usually rich kids with nothing to do. They cruise around looking for planets which haven’t made interstellar contact yet and buzz them.’
‘Buzz them?’
‘Yeah, they buzz them. They find some isolated spot with very few people around, then land right by some poor soul whom no one’s ever going to believe and then strut up and down in front of him wearing silly antennae on their heads and making beep beep noises. Rather childish really.’

“It was on display in the bottom of a locked filing cabinet stuck in a disused lavatory with a sign on the door saying Beware of the Leopard.”;

“This must be Thursday, I never could get the hang of Thursdays.”;

“We don’t stand a whelk’s chance in a supernova.”;

“All the clouds knew was that they loved him and wanted to be near him, to cherish him, and to water him.”;

“Leaping on to the back of a one-and-a-half-ton Perfectly Normal Beast migrating through your world at a thundering thirty miles an hour is not as easy as it might at first seem.”;

“Why can’t people just learn to live together in peace and harmony?” said Arthur. Ford gave a loud, very hollow laugh. “Forty-two!” he said with a malicious grin, “No, doesn’t work. Never mind.”;

“‘You really think this… person was from another planet?” asked Gail’
‘Oh, certainly. There was the spacecraft. Oh, and also he had two heads.’
‘Two? Didn’t anybody else notice?’
‘It was a fancy dress party.’”;

“Why are we surrounded by squirrels, and what do they want?”;

“Oh frettled gruntbuggly thy micturations are to me … as plurdled gabbleblotchits on a lurgid bee.” if you can make sense of this please comment;

“Everything you see or hear or experience in any way at all is specific to you. You create a universe by perceiving it, so everything in the universe you perceive is specific to you.”;

“Good evening, I am the main Dish of the Day. May I interest you in parts of my body?”;

“We always had the greatest arguments over sex and fishing. Eventually we tried to combine the two, but that only led to disaster, as you can probably imagine.”;

“Rome wasn’t burnt in a day.”;

“They come down here, land on your lawn, and then buzz off again, sometimes with your cat”;

“‘You know something?’ said Zaphod to Marvin.
‘More that you can possibly imagine,” said Marvin.’”

“Now the world has gone to bed
Darkness won’t engulf my head,
I can see by infra-red,
How I hate the night.”;

“I think fish is nice, but then I think that rain is wet, so who am I to judge?”;

“Oh God, muttered Ford, slumped against a bulkhead and started to count to ten. He was desperately worried that one day sentinent life forms would forget how to do this. Only by counting could humans demonstrate their independence of computers.”;

“After a short while he took the towel from out of his hold-all and did something with it which once again justified its supreme position in the list of useful things to take with you when you hitch-hike round the Galaxy. He put it over his head so he wouldn’t have to see what he was doing.”;

“‘You have to get to know her,’ said Arthur.
‘She eases up does she?’
‘No,” said Arthur, “but you get a better sense of when to duck.’”;

“One of the problems has to do with the speed of light and the difficulties involved in trying to exceed it. You can’t. Nothing travels faster than the speed of light with the possible exception of bad news, which obeys its own special laws. The Hingefreel people of Arkintoofle Minor did try to build spaceships that were powered by bad news but they didn’t work particularly well and were so extremely unwelcome whenever they arrived anywhere that there wasn’t really any point in being there.”;

“Despite the fact that he had been thinking he was feeling about as low as he possibly could, he experienced a terrible sinking feeling.”;

“Making it up?” said Marvin, swivelling his head in a parody of astonishment, “Why should I want to make anything up? Life’s bad enough as it is without wanting to invent any more of it.”;

so long and thanks for all the fish.